7/24/2008

When Fergie wrote the song “Glamorous” she wasn’t talking about air travel

Because, really. What is glamorous about air travel? Taking your shoes off and standing barefoot on a nasty tile floor where millions of others have stood barefoot before you? (And according to a quick, very scientific Google search, 20 percent of people have onychomycosis – also known as toenail fungus. I’m gagging as I type.) Nope, I’ve got it. The glamorous thing about air travel is exposing the others in the security line to the kind of toothpaste, hairspray, shampoo and other 3.4-ounce or less beauty products you use via your one quart plastic bag. Oh no. Wait. The glamorous thing about air travel is hauling ass in high heels to a gate halfway across the airport to attempt to catch an early flight only to see a “standby for this flight is closed” sign on the counter. More glamorous than that? Riding the monorail thing back to your original gate and having a bitchy American Airlines flight attendant basically push you out of the way and say “are you going?” in an attempt to exit the monorail. (What WOULD be glamorous is saying “listen bizo, I’m in a bad mood because of your damn company so I’d suggest being polite!) But I’ve got it. The most glamorous thing about air travel is, as I am currently doing, sitting in DFW airport since 3:30 p.m. waiting for my 5:50 flight that is now departing at 8:30.

When I started my job I remember being so excited to travel. Now, I can say from experience, many bad experiences, it ain’t so G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S.

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